The Best Night of Lauren Myracle’s (Pathetic) Life

So today I’m launching a fun new series of posts that will give you the inside scoop on the scav hunt readiness of some of your favorite (or more importantly my favorite) young adult authors. These authors will also tell you a little bit about one of the best nights of their own (pathetic) lives. Yes, it’s a fantastic Q&A inspired by my book The Best Night of Your (Pathetic) Life!

First up is Lauren Myracle. YES! THE Lauren Myracle. What is there to say about Lauren that hasn’t already been written on a bathroom wall somewhere? Wait! Why did I say that? Because Lauren makes me nutty, I don’t know why. I’ve also been mistaken for her, all doppelganger-like (what an honor!), and it’s true we sort of have a similar look going on, us two.

Why do I love Lauren’s writing, you ask? Because if you’ve read, say, Eleven (adorable!) and then also read, say, Shine (knocked me off my feet), you get the feeling, like I do, that there’s nothing this woman can’t do. For that reason and more, I’d totally want Lauren to be on my scav hunt dream team. Check out why in detail as Lauren sits in the Best Night spotlight!

TA: Okay, Lauren. Have you ever…trespassed?

LM: Erm…yes? Multiple times, if you must know, and caught only once. But the time I got caught–after gently borrowing a friend’s friend’s lakehouse for a night with a bunch of high school buddies–I got into MASSIVE trouble, just so you know.

TA: …skinny dipped? If so, where (lake, pool, ocean, swamp) and with whom?

LM: Yup! At camp, with my fellow campers and also a counselor who had a BITE MARK ON HER BOOBY!!!! It was quite thrilling (and horrifying) for all of us eleven-year-olds. Oh dear, Tara–I just remembered about the bite mark on your booby. Please forgive! Didn’t mean to bring up bad memories! Unless…are they good memories? OMIGOSH. Were you my camp counselor, young lady?????

TA: No comment. …stolen (or “borrowed) something? What was it?

LM: I have never ever EVER stolen anything. My moral code may be unconventional in certain ways, but there are some things I have never done and never will do: steal, cheat, or knowingly hurt a friend. The end.

TA: Amen. …kept a secret from your best friend? Explain yourself!

LM: Oh, sweet thing, I keep secrets from everybody. Keeps life interesting! And I plead the fifth on explaining myself. Explaining myself would mean revealing the secrets, and–see above–I *like* secrets!

TA: Me too! Do you know what a isocahedron is without Googling? If not, give us your best guess.

Plop on your head. I can’t Google it? Really? Don’t you know how much I like to be RIGHT???? Grrrr…fine, I don’t know what an iso-blah-blah-blah is, but–and I did not Google! I just called E. Lockhart, which doesn’t count!–I feel strongly that it is…erm…a dinosaur with tiny arms that is very sad when her dinosaur buddies sing “If You’re Happy and You Know It,” because an iso-blah-blah-blah can’t clap its hands even if it wants to. Perhaps we should set up a charity? Make t-shirts? “MAKE AN ISO-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH HAPPY! CLAP YOUR BUT-CHEEKS, NOT YOUR HANDS!”

TA: Um. Where were we? How many of the following items from the scav hunt list in The Best Night of Your (Pathetic) Life could you scare up in your own home?

A snow globe? Yup! (20 points)

An American flag? Yup! (25)

A music box? If so, what song does it play? Yup! “Lara’s Theme” from Doctor Zhivago. (40)

A ticket stub from a Twilight series movie? Yes, actually!!!!! I save my ticket stubs for boring tax reasons, and I did go see Twilight, so yes! I am liking this game!!!! (75)

A wedding invitation? Does an Evite count? (TA: This is worth 80 points so I’m gonna have to call it and say, no, it does not. Sorry! Because, really. Who does that? An evite to a wedding? Please!)

A plant that falls into the category of “succulent”? Yes again!!!!! My eleven-year-old has a cactus! (50)

An unopened box of Kleenex? YES!!!!! (20)

A red and black screwdriver? Like, a screwdriver that is both red and black? Hmmm. Back in a flash… Omigosh, yes yes yes!!!! I am totally going to win the prize, aren’t I? There IS a prize, right????? (40)

A Bundt pan? I’m Southern. Of course. I even used it last week. (30)

A stretched penny? Yes! Stretched by being run over a train. I know it’s illegal (did you know that?), but my boys and I love putting pennies on railroad tracks and letting trains smush them. (50)

A divided dinner plate? Fuck. I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that question.

An unopened cable bill? Yes! It’s an e-bill, but that counts, right? (In this case, I’m gonna say yes: 50)

A brick? Yup! We are so classy, we use them as, ah, those things you use to keep books on a shelf from falling over. What are those things called? Bookends? No…wait for it…BRICKS! (TA: Interesting story but you still only get 5 points)

An orchid? I’m sorry, what? Didn’t hear that one. Bad ears, ya know. Oh, wait, now it’s coming through…and YES! I have a Dr. Pepper right here, a mere foot away. Score another point for Laurenzo!!!!! Wh-hoo!!!!!!! (TA: Nice try.)

TA: A pretty good showing with 405 points out of a possible 515. But we’ll have to see how you stack up to the likes of Lockhart, Forman, Levithan, Mlynowski, Tibensky, Standiford, Vivian and more in days to come! So, how many goldfish have you loved and lost in your life?

LM: Zero.

TA: Hardcore. And lastly, tell us about one of the best nights of your (pathetic) life:

LM: Hmm. This is a lovely question, but a hard one. I hate labeling nights (or days) as “best,” or even “one of the best,” because somehow there is a melancholy that comes with doing so, as if it’s all downhill from there. Can I share the details of A REALLY FUN, SUPER A LOT AWESOME NIGHT instead? I can? Oh, yay! It was the night my friends and I gently borrowed a lake house that didn’t belong to us. We did the lake house no harm!!! But we drove there in the pitch of night, about five girls and five guys. We were all in high school. It was spring in Atlanta, and the summer heat was already hinting at its impending arrival, meaning that when we got to the lake house, we all ran down the pier, throwing our clothes off, and flung ourselves into the cold-but-not-TOO-cold water. (I kept on my undies, for the record. My skinny-dipping escapades have all been same sex!) We swam and laughed and floated on the back and gazed at the stars. I was with my besties, and I felt complete. An all-around wonderful evening…and sure, when morning came, we were busted, but it was worth it.

TA: Awesome. I am feeling rather complete myself right now! Thanks for hunting, Lauren!